I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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