between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
