I CAN MOONWALK!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
