if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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