I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
