If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
