remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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