Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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