I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize