I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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