Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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