so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
