i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
