I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
