I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
