what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
