Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
