it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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