remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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