when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
