Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
