I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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