i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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