I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
