Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
