why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
