i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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