i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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