I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Randomize
