My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
