I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
