it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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