TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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