My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
