NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
