Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
