i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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