If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
