Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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