Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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