did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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