paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
