You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
