dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
