So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
