We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
