True but thats because hes a fetus.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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