I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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