she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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