You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
