I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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