Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
