this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
