Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
