now i know why i became what i already was.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
