i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
