Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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