I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
