I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
