After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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