Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
