A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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