i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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