She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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