I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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