you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the liver wants what the liver wants
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
