So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
