I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
