I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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