weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
